The Shopping Debacle
by mrbeans
Summary: Random stupidy and halarious moments ensue when Beast Boy faces off against three supervillians in a crazy race for the last can of pinneapple mash. Rated T for language and random acts of stupidity.


**The Shopping Debacle  
**

**Rated: T  
**

**By: mrbeans**

**This is a new breed of fic that I'm putting out. This is my first Limited Edition ONESHOT. LEO's with be humourous 1-shot's that will be posted for a month then removed, though some will be permenantly posted based on reviews. This one is about what happens when Beast Boy goes against Slade and a mess of other villians in the race to get the last can of Pinneapple mash in the local grocery store.**

**Now, here, for your reading pleasure, is _The Shopping Debacle_**

Titans tower was a buzz with activity, it was wednesday, and that meant Cyborg was gettin' his waffle on. Even Raven seemed to be mildly excited about the grilled confections. Everyone was gathered around the counter while the half robot used his built-in uranium powered whisk to combine his last batch of batter.

"Are the waffles of fluffy goodness ready yet friend Cyborg?" asked Starfire as Cy laddled batter onto his trusty custom made waffle iron.

"Almost, Star" replied Cyborg, bending over and grabbing several toppings for his breakfast. Beast Boy's eyes in particular lit up when Cy set some of his toppings down. Among them, powdered sugar, coco sauce, and cherries. Cy opened the refigerator and grabbed some whipped cream and then stopped, the tub of whipped dairy dropping to the floor and splattering everywhere.

"Cyborg" began Robin "Whats.." but he never got to finish his sentence.

"NO!!" bellowed Cyborg "It's gone!!!" "Dude" asked Beast Boy "What's gone?" "The Pinapple mash! You can't make Gran Gran's famous pinnappley chocko waffles without pinneapple mash! I made sure we had some last night, what could've happened to 'em?!?" Cyborg's answer came quickly, Silkie ploped himself up on the counter and beltched out a pinneapple mash.

"I kill that worm!" yelled Cyborg pointing rather dramatically at Silkie.

"No, friend Cyborg you must not harm Silkie" said Starfire, attempting to hold back Cy.

"So worm" said Cyborg, activating his sonic cannon "you feelen' lucky?" Cy fired, but let out a scream of frustration as his shot missed Silkie by mere centemeteres.

"Friend, can we not simply buy some more of the mash pinneapple?" asked Star

"Well...um...yeah but I can't go" he said rushing back to the kitchen "I have to protect the rest of my waffles from the...wormy menace" he added pointing dramatically at Silkie again.

"Well I can not go to the store of etible substance, I must stay to protect Silkie and insure he does not eat any more of friend Cyborg's waffle ingredients" said Star.

"Well who can go then?" asked Cy. Robin and Raven took off like bullets to there room, leaving Beast Boy sitting at the counter. "BB" said Cyborg, walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder "Thanks for volenteering" he grabbed Beast Boy's shoulder a little harder and pushed his to the door "See ya' when ya' get back"

So Beast Boy set off for the store while three super villians each recived a letter. It informed Slade, Control Freak and Dr. Light were told that a single Teen Titan was off to pick up a super weapon code nammed "Pinneapple Mash" from a hero trade front. All three were determined to get it first.

Gunther's Grocery Bonanza was once as uninpressive as the name implied. It had, in recent years, been obtained in a hostile take over by Mars Bars Inc. The one story local hilbilly-mart had been transformed into a five story tall grocery Mecca, complete with water park. "Wow" said Beast Boy to himself as he entered the lobby his eyes glowing "24 hour self serve water park" Oddly enough the store was deserted even though it was only 8 A.M. Being the distractible person he was BB's first priority was naturally to go down the water slide, as every aquatic creature known to man. After 20 minutes of water sliding, Beast Boy was far too busy to notice that 3 cars pulled up; 1 in the shape of a lightbulb. 1 like a giant Cruella De Ville mobile shaped like a remote, and a Honda Accord pulled up. As their 3 respective owners got out, two of them were in conflict before you could say "childish idiots" this of course was quite accurate as Slade tried. Dr. Light and Control Freak ran for the door, both villians lunged and managed to, just a quick as they had started fighting, got stuck in the door. Slade rolled his eye, pulled them out by their feet, then grabbed them by the neck and held them a foot off the ground before smacking their heads together, tossing them aside. He strode into the store, cofidence in high gear, until he ran into one of the more annoying things he had ever seen.

Gunther's GB had several automated displays, corporate thought they were a better investment than a large staff of full time employees, the one for Marvin Bran Muffins was by far the most annoying.

"Have a muffin" suggested the robotic farmer, a tray of muffins in hand, as Slade went by.

Slade stopped and turned to the machine. "No" replied Slade very frankly

"Have a muffin"

"I said no" he replied, still maintaining his calm demeanor.

"Have a muffin"

"I am warning you machine"

"Have a muffin"

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" What Slade did to that muffin selling robot is too horrible to be written. Slade's screams of uncontrollible fury were loud enough to not only wake Dr. Light and Control Freak from their states of unconciousness, but to attract the attention of Beast Boy, a feat in itself.

------

"What the heck?" said Beast Boy as the shouts resonated through the store. Something about the sudden random screams of fury caused BB to remember why he was at the store at all; the pinneapple mash.

------

All three villians' attentions were snagged by the sight of a small green sparrow flying up to the canned goods on the fourth floor. Slade, Dr. Light, and Control Freak broke for the elevator.

"It is Dr. Light who shall obtain that weapon!" bellowed Dr. Light, elboing his way to the front.

"I don't think so" replied Control Freak, chuckling as he zapped Dr. Light with his remote, causing him to barrel backwards face first into a table marked "Trick Glue Pies".

"Now that he is out of the way" pointing his remote at Slade. Slade, still maintaining his calm demeanor, grabbed the remote, pointed it at Control Freak, and pushed a button. CF, began to randomly soar about the room, crashing into things. Slade walked to the elevator and pushed '4'.

------

Beast Boy was now running, full sprint, down the laybrinth-like isles in search of the can of pinneapple mash. He made several turns before ending up back in the main elevator entrance for the floor. Beast Boy turned to head back into the isle when the elevator 'dinged' and the doors began to open. Comming to a stop, BB turned to see who was comming; much to his horror, it was Slade.

"You" spat the one-eyed criminal mastermind. The two were about to fight when an intercom announcement came on

"Attention all Grocery Bonanza customers, blue light special on the last can of pinneapple mash in stock"

Beast Boy and Slade glanced at eachother and then took off down the isles. The two ran as fast as they could, smashing eachother into shelves. "Wait" said Beast Boy, remembering he was a shapeshifter. He turned to Slade and said "See Ya'" just before turning into a cheetah and running down the isles. The blue light special area was rather obvious, it was a round space in the shelves with a round table in the center, on that table was the last can of mash. Beast Boy grabbed it, grinning to himself, at least, until Slade, finnally catching up to him, tackled him to the ground.

"Give it to me!" he yelled

"Why do you want this can anyway" said Beast Boy, using his kangaroo form to kick Slade off of him.

"Don't play innocent with me Beast Boy, you know why"

"Ok then..um...BYE!" and with his salutation, BB burst down the hallway again. Beast Boy took the smart option and ran down the stairs, only to have his path by Dr. Light covered in pies, and Control Freak.

"You guys too?" said Beast Boy, now becoming very confused.

"Gib us dah supah vepon" said Dr. Light from behind a pie

"What?" asked Beast Boy

"I think he means give us the soup venom" replied Control Freak

"Nooo! Dah supah vepon!" said Dr. Light

"This is no time for soup!" said an exasperated Control Freak, turning to Light to better argue, removing his attention from Beast Boy. BB used this opportunity to sneak away, going down the rest of the stairs to the ground floor.

"You think you can escape me that easily?" asked Slade cooly, stepping out form behind a collunm. Beast Boy glanced at the can and then in a moment of brilliance smashed the case behind him, triggering the alarm.

"No" he said "but I think it would be that simple"

Slade pointed at Beast Boy and was about to say something when Control Freak and the still pie covered Dr.Light.

"You know what" said Control Freak "You go first"

"Oh" said Dr. Light, surprised "Glad someone has seen the light" A misgivious smile broke out over Control Freak's face as he shoved Dr. Light with both hands but this did not go as he hoped. When he went to retract his hands, he found they were stuck to the doctor of insanity and poor goatee trimming. His next misstake was to put his foot on Light's back in order to pull his hands off; it's fairly obvious where it went from there. Beast Boy and Slade where watching in awe of such stupidity until they were interrupted by the most feared noises north Kentucky.

"No" said Beast Boy hoping he had imagined the noise, but then it came again. Slade's eye narrowed as he said something he had managed not to have to say for over 20 years.

"Shit" he muttered "Rednecks"

"Cleatus, Bubba!" came a voice from the back "Someun's breakin' inta' tha' store!"

"REDNECKS!" screamed the now bonded Dr. Light and Control Freak "RUN!"

"Stop right there!" bellowed one of three overall wearing, cowboy hat wearing, shotgun toteing, foul smelling rednecks. "You tryin' ta rob us?"

"Um...no...I'm just here to buy...to buy this...pinneapple mash! To buy the pinneapple mash!" said Beast Boy.

"Oh" said another redneck "that'a be $3.50" Beast Boy handed him the money and began to walk away.

"Wait!" said the smellyest redneck who seemed to be the leader "Them wit y'all?" he asked waving his gun at Slade and Dr. Control Light (A/N: clever no?) Beast Boy flinched at the complete disregard for the english language before answering "no"

"You can go now" said the redneck in charge and BB left the store.

"Jefro" said one of the subordinate rednecks "whata' we gonna' do wit dem'?" he pointed to the three villians.

"You'll never take me alive!" bellowed Slade pulling a high powered beanie out of nowhere and strapping it to his head. He flipped the swich on the side and flew out through the skyligh.

"Put them" said Jefro "wait...wait" he then farted before continuing "put 'em on the couch"

"Couch?" said Control Freak "That's not so bad. I am a couch potato" Dr. Control Light was taken to a wood panelled room with pink carpet, a TV, and an old woman in a bathrobe on the couch.

"You must be them boys that broke inta' tha' store. Y'all should be ashamed of y'all's selves. There ain't notin' dat' eva' comes a stealn'"

"Clearly" said Dr. Light smugly

"Wat you say boy?" bellowed the old woman "I will rip y'all a newun. Ya hear?"

"Yes ma'am" replied Control Freak and Dr. Light simaltainiously, each preparing for a long punishment.

------

Across town Beast Boy finally returned to Titans Tower, the pinneapple mash in hand. "

Hey, BB" said Cyborg as he entered the room

"I got it Cy" said Beast Boy, setting the mash down on the counter "It took alot, but I got it"

"Oh, turns out that I had a back-up can in my left arm so you didn't need to get it" replied Cy.

Beast Boy could do nothing but through back his head and scream.


End file.
